Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
