Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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