Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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