walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
