i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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