my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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