Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
