Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
