Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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