We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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