somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
