Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
