capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
