I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
