And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
