Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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