Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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