Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
