My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
