im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
