Nicole vs. Life
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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