My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
