I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
