His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
