Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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