I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
