Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
