I want to have your abortion
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
