Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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