i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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