Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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