I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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