If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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