So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
