what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
