So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
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Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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