I queefed so loud it echoed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
