Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
