we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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