dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
