why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
