are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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