I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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