your room smells of hookers.
And success
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
