guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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