11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
