id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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