idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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