My vagina just recognized that song.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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