we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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