We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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