you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
