if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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