I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
