if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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