Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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