I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
