There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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