it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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