Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
