just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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