so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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