Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
