i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
only if we run a train.
done.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
