I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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