Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
