clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
