dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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