i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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