I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
