I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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