I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
