My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
