One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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