Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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