if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
