Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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