You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Semen is not good for contacts.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
